Grace Wears: Victor Costa

Gareth: Scarlotta! Fabulous dress. The ecclesiastical purple and the pagan orange symbolizing the mystical symbiosis in marriage between the heathen and Christian traditions?

Scarlett: That's right.

I just love a wedding. However, the one time I ever wish that I was a man is when it comes to getting ready for someone else's impending nuptials. What bliss to know exactly what you will be wearing (as long as it's back from the dry cleaners) and to just change your tie and socks around a bit. I am, as ever, in bewildered awe of people who get wedding dressing right.

There is A LOT to think about, while also trying to look like yourself and not like you've PANICKED...which is often the case with me.

The weather is the main thing that foxes me. Followed by the footwear issue. In this green and pleasant land we are always in between rainy days and one often finds ones rather smart (always uncomfortable) shoes either sinking into a lawn or being scuffed by a portaloo stairwell. And I'm yet to master the wedge. In the case of erratic weather, the key is to be prepared. I recently found myself in a wind tunnel outside the church and just as the photographer was snapping away - whoosh - up went my skirt, hair wrapped itself around my face and I looked like a pygmy warrior going in to battle. Only a safety pin could save me. A torrential down pour just before arriving at the chapel is a disaster - nice weather for Duckfaces but absolutely not for ones brand new crepe silk de chine dress. This situation can only be remedied with an umbrella. Is it still raining? I had totally noticed.

Then there are the cardinal rules you have to honour and obey.... Never wear white. Don't upstage the bride or groom - (it should be perfectly obvious you're neither) Don't go too short, don't go too long. Don't wear a veil. Don't let me drink too much, because I'll get really flirty. Another one which people often only tell me - never go see through. Sorry, why not? (Apparently nothing worse than a priest with an...anyway) So for chicks, it's a sartorial minefield of pitfalls and patches...a rocky terrain, a divet ridden lawn, a raffia marquee floor if you will, which I for one am currently navigating my way over and around.

Then before every wedding I go to, someone says to me 'Odds on, you meet your future husband at dinner' and when hoping for a table of Dishes, you're then faced with the ghosts of boyfriends past at every turn - so you want to look your very best. The pressure to look really splendid is really on for those rare and unpredictable cases of Thunderbolt City. You want some dreamboat to say 'Well you look perfect, in fact you probably are perfect.' Not 'I'm sure I can resist you, you're not that cute.'

Also the chances of seeing the same people in the same outfit ratio is pretty high when it comes to weddings. How can I be sure that someone won't turn up in the same thing and leave me feeling that I should be where other people are not? Essentially you want to forget about your outfit, feel like a slightly better version of yourself, enjoy it and think 'this, is a bloody great wedding.'

So in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version...in the words of David Cassidy, in fact, while he was still with the Partridge family...it has to be weather proof, boy proof, girl proof, dance floor proof, bride proof and actually car proof for when someone very generously offers you a lift from the church but you're squashed in the back with a baby seat and dog hair. On the way back to The Lucky Boatman when you're drunkenly singing Tammy Wynette it doesn't matter a jot but when you arrive at the reception line up already looking crumpled, it's just not a good start to the day. And you can't fit a travel iron into a clutch bag.
Believe me, I've tried.

Having had the absolute honour of going to (actually more than) Four Weddings in the last two months, (not a chance of any guest stealing the thunder of these blissful brides - Queens of Sheba every one, not a meringue in sight) I decided to prepare my wedding wardrobe having noticed I'm turning into a bit of a serial monogamist with my clothes, it's one dress after the other...never quite content with my sartorial choices.

So,well, I thought it over a lot, you know, and this year I wanted to get it just right so after much deliberating I turned to my bible...Vogue - whose altar I worship at. Seeing the following spread on pink, the colour of love (in the words of John Lennon, love is the answer and you know that for sure) I decided to wear variations on a theme for each wedding I attended. What follows are, mainly portaloo shots of my outfits. If you can see any reason why I shouldn't have worn any of them to a wedding, speak now or forever hold your peace.

JULY VOGUE - THINK PINK

WEDDING ONE

Portaloo shot one. Unfortunately the first outfit was the same colour as the bridesmaids dresses, (unforeseen issue) I couldn't work out why the ushers kept telling me it was time for photographs.

Alice McCall two piece
Anya Hindmarch Valorie Glitter Clutch
Ring from Accesorize
Christian Louboutin Nude Decollete Pumps

Headgear by Eugenia Kim

WEDDING TWO

Slightly see through vintage trousers. Not obeying the rules.
Alice McCall Scallop Top
Trousers from Lime Green Bow
Charlotte Simone Bon Bon Bag in ecclesiastical purple
Miu Miu Glitter Heels found on Ebay

WEDDING THREE

Portaloo shot two. My Barbie True Love outfit. Not too mad I hope. I did glitter, feathers, baby pink and shoes with hearts on, all at once. It did feel like slight overkill, but by the end of the evening...a few grass stains, a Moscow mule spill and a few splashes of that blue stuff in portaloos and it looked perfectly dishevelled. Not so much True Love but Barbie through a hedge backwards anyone?

Dress by Karla Spetic
Feather Coat from By Malene Birger
Anya Hindmarch Valorie Glitter Clutch
Shoooooes from Christian Louboutin

With my parents, before the discovery of the Espresso Martinis. My mother in Pagan orange.

Luckily my dress happened to match the smoke bombs. I love it when that happens.

FOUR WEDDINGS!

I slightly deviated from the pink thing here as it was all getting a bit sickly sweet and I needed a break. Ooooooor so I thought....

Dress from Suno
Charlotte Simone Bon Bon again
Miu Miu T Bar Glitter Shoes

Bring me my jewels of burning gold! Bring me my clutch bag of desire! These are the bits and bobs I've been wearing with my dresses. A good accessory is the definitive ice breaker.

Valorie Glitter Clutch by Anya Hindmarch
Bespoke Shawl by Tina Sparkle
Evil Eye Clutch by Poppy Lissiman
Vintage Ice Box Bag by Delill
Jewellery - mixture of vintage and ASOS

OK one more - WEDDING FIVE.

I returned to pink.

Victor Costa Pink Dress from Lime Green Bow
Diamanté Comets from Meadham Kirchoff
Earrings from Only Child at ASOS

In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spigit. Amen.

Right - thank you letters!

Earrings from Butler & Wilson
Yes! Clutch from Anya Hindmarch
Love Hat from Victoria Grant
Charlotte Simone Bon Bon Bag
Shrimps Faux Fur Coat
Dress from Suno
Cuff from Kenneth Jay Lane
Scallop Shorts from Alice McCall
Sophia Webster x Shrimps Shoes
Creed Fleurissimo (created for Grace Kelly on her wedding day)
Cora Heart Shoes from Christian Louboutin

Pin It Now!

'Selfie trend is getting a bit sinister'

-The Telegraph, March 2014

This outfit post has been evolving for a while. I had the dreaded Storage Full thing on my phone so went about deleting everything surplus to requirement from my handheld. I embarked on a journey through my photographs and initially I happened upon a variety of selfies (body not face - nothing worth hacking into my iCloud for) taken in the loos of St John - sounds a bit grotty but they just so happen to be the whitest, cleanest WCs in London and have the best mirror for a full body outfit shot. So this post started as 'St John Selfies' throughout the year. But I only found about four which maybe was not enough to keep anyone interested. Coming across another series of photographs taken in three different musical venues over the summer, therefore three different sets of clothes, I thought this post could be called something reeeally imaginative like 'Gigs - What I Wore'. The variety of artists being Paloma Faith at The Roundhouse, Jonathan Wilson at Village Underground and One Direction at Wembley. One evening of lipstick and saxophones followed by beards, harmonicas and patchouli, finishing off with screaming, sherbet and cherry chap-sticks but blog-post wise I still wasn't feeling enthused. And then I wore boring things to the Paloma gig so that plan was scuppered.

It shortly afterwards became a post about my mini trip to the States. A bit of a 'Miami Vice' vibe but I wasn't very committed to the idea and sort of ended up just wearing a bikini and floaty things and taking a few snaps that I thought were good to go. That was until my friend and I lay on sun loungers next to supermodel Erin Wasson for an afternoon and I ended up deleting all my photographs and vowing to only eat broccoli and smoke cigarettes for the rest of my life.

Then just before I decided that it would be a full on shameless selfie post I was pouring over the weekend papers and read that Kim Kardashian is bringing out a book called 'Selfish' entirely of her and her bottom. It also reported that obsessive selfie-taking is now a recognised mental disorder. Argh! Quick! Delete! But then it seemed like such a waste. So before I consign most of these shots to the trash and free up some storage space - here are some of the clothes I have worn around the town, things I've tried on, things I've been given and things I can't wait to wear. There's no common theme except for the fact they're nearly all of me and lots have been taken in bathrooms around the world. A selfie-scrapbook if you will. I hope it doesn't make you feel the need to suggest I urgently require a stint in the Priory sans phone and mirrors.

THINGS I'VE WORN

First St. John Selfie. You may have seen this one before.

Loos of LouLous

My favourite Cedric Charlier bag which is having a moment again

Close up of my dress from Lime Green Bow.

Bathroom up The Shard. If you look carefully you'll see this is also a 'Belfie'.*

Close up of my Zimmerman Splatter Dress

Me wearing a sink and some tiles in Polpo

St John Selfie #2

We went to a Caribbean music night in Miami.

The pale pink bathrooms of Soho Beach House. Another favourite Zimmerman dress
which matched the interiors.

Boring outfit for Paloma.

St. John - last one. In my new favourite Zara dress which will see me
through these weird weather days.

THINGS I TRIED ON (and MAYBE bought)

I was nearly sold on this Kate Moss for Topshop dress until I saw LiLo
falling out of a club in it.

Obsessed with this Bonwitt Teller silk dress at Lime Green Bow. See it here.

Favourite handbag. Apart from the fact I can only fit some earphones in it.

Another wonderful handmade thing found in the charity shop on Notting Hill
Gate. It looks like a night sky.

Kenneth Jay Lane Ring from eBay

Victor Costa pale pink origami dress. Also from Lime Green Bow.
I am in love with this dress.
More on it soon.

Chanello

GIFTS THAT WERE GIVEN (from people who clearly know me very well!)

Lucky me! A birthday gift. Viennese gem from a flea market. Emerald green is my
favourite colour. And my adored Amethyst ring from best friends.

Lucky me again! Favourite birthday gift. I had been dreaming about owning this. My dream came true!
The most beautiful gold Bluebell pendant by Catherine Zoraida.