"I loathe narcissism, but I approve of vanity." - Diana Vreeland
So in other news this week...the words 'Twerking', 'Vom' (my favourite) and 'Selfie' have made it into the Oxford English Dictionary. I had to just Google Twerking to understand what the hell that is (Miley Cyrus' raunchy dance moves at the VMAs apparently?) and well, Selfie is a word borne from an egomaniac generation of narcissistic iPhone users. A few days ago, while having a mani pedi on my lunch break (yah!) I watched a girl parked in a van outside the nail bar spend half an hour taking pictures of herself from above, below, round the side...about 27 snaps later, each with a different shade of pout, she finally settled for the perfect pose. Maybe for a boyfriend (lucky chap!), maybe to stick on Instagram, Twitter, Facey or Tinder (my ultimate favourite!)...I just sat there with my hands under a grill and thought WHAT A LOSER! And hummed Carly Simon to myself...tralalaaaa.
I woke up yesterday morning thinking I had lost my phone. In my Aperol induced haze I lay in bed lamenting the photos I had taken in the last year and phone numbers of people who I would have no way of contacting ever again. After twenty mins of winding myself up and feeling like it was the end of the world, I rolled out of bed and realised that in fact the phone was actually on the floor and I just hadn't put it on to charge. Phewee. You don't know what you've got til it's gone I reckon so I spent the afternoon appreciating my phone, flicking through all of my long forgotten photos, digging into the darkest depths of old albums, reminiscing about happier times and then I realised...I AM A SELFIE TAKER! I remember thinking that if I were going to start blogging about what I wore then I had better document it properly. The thing is, they're all rubbish. I absolutely haven't perfected it and then it dawned on me the chick in the van had it about right...I would need on average 27 (or more) goes to get the perfect pose. I give up after about two, mainly due to time constraints and actually, boredom. Or in one case nearly garotting myself on a loo roll holder in the Pizza Express lavatories. It's embarrassing to explain why you've taken so long in the bathroom when you've innocently just been trying to make your arms look rexi while half smiling. You can't say "Oh I've been doing Selfies in the bog!"
Anyway, as an apology to the poor, judged van girl I am showing you my hashtag Selfies which I never thought would see the light of day. So here they are...me being vain and self-involved in various locations and WCs all over London. Knock yourself out!
Took this one to show a friend a dress (which turned out to be a brilliant purchase from Topshop here) I had been forced to buy because I had sat in tramps pee on a bus and needed something else to wear. Truly. It looks like I'm smiling but I was actually crying.
(I blogged these glorious Poplin PJs once before here )
Favourite ASOS ring - I think they do the best costume jewellery.
ASOS Jewel Print Dress and Clutch
Foot Selfie. Waiting for my close up in the Borders General Hospital.
Evil Eye from House of Harlow but you can get amazing EE stuff from Baublebar which has lovely things.
Best rezza in London I reckon. Cleanest loos.
You can't see it but I am wearing this Zara dress which is my new favourite thing.
Me and my Anya Hindmarch Huxley. I know, I can't see it either.
Me in the office today. Bye then!
I will endeavour to do MUCH better next time. Any Selfie tips are most welcome from you all. Unless your name is Miley Cyrus.
