Selfies...You're So Vain

"I loathe narcissism, but I approve of vanity." - Diana Vreeland

So in other news this week...the words 'Twerking', 'Vom' (my favourite) and 'Selfie'  have made it into the Oxford English Dictionary. I had to just Google Twerking to understand what the hell that is (Miley Cyrus' raunchy dance moves at the VMAs apparently?) and well, Selfie is a word borne from an egomaniac generation of narcissistic iPhone users. A few days ago, while having a mani pedi on my lunch break (yah!) I watched a girl parked in a van outside the nail bar spend half an hour taking pictures of herself from above, below, round the side...about 27 snaps later, each with a different shade of pout, she finally settled for the perfect pose. Maybe for a boyfriend (lucky chap!), maybe to stick on Instagram, Twitter, Facey or Tinder (my ultimate favourite!)...I just sat there with my hands under a grill and thought WHAT A LOSER! And hummed Carly Simon to myself...tralalaaaa.

I woke up yesterday morning thinking I had lost my phone. In my Aperol induced haze I lay in bed lamenting the photos I had taken in the last year and phone numbers of people who I would have no way of contacting ever again. After twenty mins of winding myself up and feeling like it was the end of the world, I rolled out of bed and realised that in fact the phone was actually on the floor and I just hadn't put it on to charge. Phewee. You don't know what you've got til it's gone I reckon so I spent the afternoon appreciating my phone, flicking through all of my long forgotten photos, digging into the darkest depths of old albums, reminiscing about happier times and then I realised...I AM A SELFIE TAKER! I remember thinking that if I were going to start blogging about what I wore then I had better document it properly. The thing is, they're all rubbish. I absolutely haven't perfected it and then it dawned on me the chick in the van had it about right...I would need on average 27 (or more) goes to get the perfect pose. I give up after about two, mainly due to time constraints and actually, boredom. Or in one case nearly garotting myself on a loo roll holder in the Pizza Express lavatories. It's embarrassing to explain why you've taken so long in the bathroom when you've innocently just been trying to make your arms look rexi while half smiling. You can't say "Oh I've been doing Selfies in the bog!"

Anyway, as an apology to the poor, judged van girl I am showing you my hashtag Selfies which I never thought would see the light of day. So here they are...me being vain and self-involved in various locations and WCs all over London. Knock yourself out!

Took this one to show a friend a dress (which turned out to be a brilliant purchase from Topshop here) I had been forced to buy because I had sat in tramps pee on a bus and needed something else to wear. Truly. It looks like I'm smiling but I was actually crying.

(I blogged these glorious Poplin PJs once before here )

Favourite ASOS ring - I think they do the best costume jewellery.

ASOS Jewel Print Dress and Clutch

Foot Selfie. Waiting for my close up in the Borders General Hospital.

Evil Eye from House of Harlow but you can get amazing EE stuff from Baublebar which has lovely things.

Another Topshop dress, Anya Hindmarch clutch and Christian Louboutins at St. John.

Best rezza in London I reckon. Cleanest loos.

You can't see it but I am wearing this Zara dress which is my new favourite thing.

Me and my Anya Hindmarch Huxley. I know, I can't see it either.

Me in the office today. Bye then!

I will endeavour to do MUCH better next time. Any Selfie tips are most welcome from you all. Unless your name is Miley Cyrus.

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Off to Bedfordshire

 The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to... 
~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Night time can send me into a spin. Especially when my bedroom is boiling hot and I have a fan whirring near my head which has been the case for these past few weeks.Once I'm out that's pretty much it but it's the drifting off I find most hard. Never do I get more jealous than when my bedfellow falls first.  Many a night have I spent counting sheep or trying to bore myself into oblivion. But then I start asking myself questions like 'What is beyond the Universe?' and seeing faces in my wardrobe...I am wide awake, heart racing.

I'm not mad keen on assisted sleep or swallowing handfuls of sedative hypnotics and waking up with a mouth that tastes like a pet shop, so, through good old trial and error I have discovered a few things that really work and really help me drift off to the land of Nod.

Firstly a good pair of pyjamas. In my initial foray into blogging I mentioned Poplin pyjamas (here) which are a complete wonder. They have a certain wholesomeness that is reminiscent of childhood bedtimes. I have the striped cotton ones which are glorious and when they're in the wash I wear the Indochine silk set. Apart from being beautifully silky and well cut they are insanely glamorous and make me feel very Hollywood starlet. They are slightly wasted on just me in my flat so I often try to find any opportunity to take the rubbish out again or greet the milkman, ask the neighbours for some sugar etc. If on the other hand you have no one to impress then in the winter I opt for an American Aparel onesie but woe betide anyone who wears this in front of people with eyes...even my family threatened to disown me once they'd glanced me in this oversized baby-grow. But if it's comfort you're after, this is just the ticket! But sexy, it is not.

I discovered This Works Deep Sleep range earlier this year. Their award winning pillow spray is quite exceptional. You only have to read the testimonials on their website to see that people all over the world swear by this stuff. I could not work out why I couldn't get out of bed in January and then realised it was purely down to the spray - you only need a small amount on your pillow just before Bedfordshire - I was merrily emptying half a bottle on to my pillows each night. It smells yummy too. Another notable product is Badger Balm Sleep Aid which is a tiny little pot and I don't know why a badger has anything to do with going to sleep (apart from that I look like one when I wake up) but who cares?! It works.

Which leads me on to silk pillowcases. You may laugh at me for sounding so precious but it's actually worth getting one of these. Apart from being lovely to lay your head on, they also stop ones face from looking like a crumpled receipt on waking the next morning.

I know you are now imagining me in some Barbara Cartlandseque boudoir with my silky drawers, scented pillowcases and pink toy poodles but I think it's all about atmosphere, drawing curtains, clean sheets and flowers next to your bed, because....well, why the hell not?! A White Company Mattress topper, lovely pjs and switching off all electrics in your room. That is, except my Roberts Radio. I often just tune into the Shipping Forecast....Viking, North Utsire, South Utsire, Forties, Cromarty, Forth, Tyne, Dogger...and before long it's zzzzzzzzzzz...




My bedside table



This is what I look like first thing in the morning...blissfully happy in my Poplin Pyjamas - a bit badger like.
Please ignore the kitchen knives top left.

This is what I wish I looked like...one can dream...

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